mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
