I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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