my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
