Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
