She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
