Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
