she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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