All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize