you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Girls should come with a carfax report
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
