I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
