I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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