I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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