I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
