He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
