I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
