Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
