There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
