Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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