I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
