my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
