I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
