I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i dont even know how to be here
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
