Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
