True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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