Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
