I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
