i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
