my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
