were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
