I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
