Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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