My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
