i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
