I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And then my night got REAL pukey
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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