hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
