An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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