she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
