I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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