So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
