does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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