I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
thus making me awesome and them whores
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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