I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just wanna soil my oats bro
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
