It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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