i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
