so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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