I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize