You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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