She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
