girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
