He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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