I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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