There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
