About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Congratulations! We have a period
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
