If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
