I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
