Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
