i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize