walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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