that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
