thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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