Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
