I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize