Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
