her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
