They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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