I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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