the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
