The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
