I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
