hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
