Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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